Some novels are as lovable as they are predictable. Others are just predictable. I got an email from a publishing company (who shall remain nameless) with a list of new fiction works available for review, all of which appear to be extremely predictable. As I read each synopses, I noticed this comical five-step pattern every single book followed:

1. Introduce the protagonist.
2. Mention a lover or suitor.
3. Disclose details of a gut-wrenching crisis.
4. Insert an air of mystery.
5. End the synopsis with a rhetorical question . . . because the answer is predictable.

Seriously, head to Barnes & Noble and read the back covers on the fiction aisle and you’ll see that they’re virtually identical. Actually, scratch that. I’m going to make it easy on you and include some examples directly from that email, because these things are just laughable, and who doesn’t need a good laugh?

Happy Friday, folks!

“Mercy McClain joined the school board to protect the children of Teaville, Kansas, from the bullying she experienced as a child. When the worst offender from her school days applies for a teaching position, she is dead set against it. Yet Aaron Firebrook claims to be a changed man. Can he earn Mercy’s trust—and her support for the challenges to come?”

To which we say, Of course he can!

“Julia Bernay has come to London to become a doctor—a glorious new opportunity for women during the reign of Victoria. When she witnesses a serious accident, her quick actions save the life of barrister Michael Stephenson. He rose above his family’s stigma, but can he rise to the challenge of the fiercely independent woman who has swept into his life?”

To which we say, Of course he can!

“In the early 1900s, Camri Coulter’s search for her missing brother, Caleb, leads her deep into the political corruption of San Francisco—and into the acquaintance of Irishman Patrick Murdock, who her brother helped clear of murder charges. As the two try to find Caleb, the stakes rise and threats loom. Can Patrick protect Camri from danger?”

All together now, Of course he can!

PS: In case you’re wondering, no, I’m not going to request any of these books. I just can’t bring myself to do it. But if say your dad or brother or son wants to, then of course he can!

2 thoughts on “The Of-Course-He-Can Man: Novels and Nonsense

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