(read Part 1 here)
It felt like weeks, but it had only been days since this issue was stirred up in my heart again. I couldn’t get away from that burning feeling that I should take this seriously.
This time my prayers were for God to clearly let me know whether this was a new direction from Him, or a distraction. I wanted to be ready to consider this in faith, yet so afraid of it at the same time. What I wanted was for someone to walk up to me and say, “God told me to tell you…” fill in the blank. Lisa wanted to know why her approaching me didn’t count, and playfully accused me of being a Gideon.
I was trying to be so sensitive to anything and everything that God might use to speak to me, that I became paranoid! More and more opportunities opened up right here at home…a sign to stay? Another conversation with a friend came up about being careful to take each step of life in faith…a sign to go?
Mistake #4: Don’t watch for a neon sign to appear in the sky. It won’t.
That was actually a piece of advice one of my pastor’s gave me. I was being vague and a little mysterious in my request for prayer, but it was clear I was struggling with a major decision, and the words of wisdom I received that night were very helpful.
Does that mean I heeded them and made the right decision? No. Even in a class of one with the greatest Teacher on earth (or above the earth), I was a slow learner. There was still that issue of distance. And of raising support. And of leaving my church. And of……yeah, that one issue.
A few days later I wrote: “Still battling, still struggling, still praying. Perhaps even fighting is a better word. I feel there is undeniably something pushing me forward, yet something small is holding me back—-fear, or wisdom?”
I remember thinking and even sharing with others that I wished this whole thing would just go away! Why couldn’t the decision be made for me, and then I wouldn’t have to make one at all?
Mistake #5: Don’t ask God for something unless you really mean it.
God is not kidding when He says He’ll give us the desires of our heart. So make sure your desires are pure! Why hadn’t I learned that the first time around??
So, in the words of my prayer, the decision was made for me. My mom asked one day if the position was even still listed on their site, and I confidently told her oh yes, I’d been checking periodically. But then I ran to my computer, and lo and behold, there was nothing to behold!
I waited for a wave of relief to rush over me……but it never came.
(Continue here to Part 3)