I am the type of person who wants to fill a need when she sees one. I suppose you could call that the blessing of a servant’s heart, but with it also comes the curse of thinking I have to do it all, and that any free time used for myself would be selfish when I could’ve used it helping someone out or cleaning something up. It’s ridiculous, I know.
Whether you’re like that or not, I’m sure you’ve been in a situation where you hated to say no to something because it was a good thing, and technically you had time for it, but deep down you knew it just wasn’t the right thing to do at the time. I’ve found myself in several of these scenarios lately and they’re not fun. But I noticed each time that there’s something God is teaching me through it.
Those are not words 21st century Americans like to hear, or get to hear even if they wanted to. We live in a fast-paced world with no time for things like afternoon tea with friends, or a short siesta, and certainly not quiet time with God! It’s really sad, and what’s worse is that I’ve fallen prey to it.
So, because God is a good God, He has used certain circumstances to force me to slow down and sit back. Half of me thinks, Ahh, I could use a rest. I’ve certainly worked enough for it. Then my other half thinks, But that’s just selfish! I should be able to pour myself out for the kingdom and keep going in His strength! But then the other half says, There’s no way I can quit anything. There’s too many people that depend on me, and I couldn’t shirk my responsibilities! But then the other half thinks, Is that putting too much reliance on myself and not trusting God to use other means other than myself to accomplish these tasks? (My halves are like Tevye’s hands.)
Sometimes my mind is just a little too active. Now you can see why I can’t sleep at night. =)
All that to say, I read Psalm 37 this morning which really hit home with repeated commands of “trust in the Lord”, “rest in the Lord”, “wait patiently”, “do not fret”. Wait, trust, wait! Yes I need to stay busy, but I need to be sure it’s with the Lord’s work and not my own.
Sometimes that means sitting at His feet, listening, waiting, and trusting.